Part 4: User’s Guide to Stop “Using”

20 01 2010

” So,” you might ask, “when it comes to dating, how am I supposed to live out the truth of love?”  This is a good question.

  1. How are you, practically speaking , to proclaim Christ with your body in a culture that often mocks such a commitment to virtue?
  2. How do you stop “using” in a very user-friendly  culture at your high school, and later at college?
  3. How do you create an environment that helps you to live this out and protects you from using others or being used?
  4. What are some positive things you can do to avoid making mistakes in you ongoing pursuit of purity?

Well, consider these FIVE ideas:

The FIVE DIRECTIVES of Dating, Mating, Waiting.


1. Offer your relationship to God

For God is love. If you want love to be at the center of your friendships and dating relationships, then you want God to be at the center of your relationships. So offer every night to Him form the start, whether you’re out with friends or on a date. Instead of excluding Him, invite Him into the center to guide you in all things and teach you how to love.

2. “Christian, know thyself”

This ancient spiritual advice is critical if you are to avoid unnecessary temptations. It means understanding you own gifts and strengths, but also, your own weaknesses and limitations. For eg, a guy and girl with a mature level of purity should be able to be alone together and not sin. We are not animals who can’t control ourselves. Still, if you know that being alone will pose a strong temptation to sin, then do not be alone. Knowing yourself well and practicing good discipline in this area will leave you without regrets.

3. Be more social.

Group dating might not seem as “romantic”, but there are good reasons to recommend it. For one, it is great way to meet other people. And also, there is strength in numbers, so find some friends and hang out in groups instead of just with your date. Plus, it is important to maintain friendships with lots of people rather than focusing only on your dating relationship.

4. Go “face first”

Remember the old saying that refers to the eyes as “windows to the soul”. Challenge yourself to use the “face first” principle and to look others in the eyes. This will serve as a good reminder to acknowledge the soul of the person you are speaking to, and not just ogle at a person’s body, reducing them to body parts. When you see someone walking toward you in a hallway, at the mall, or on the street, you can employ the “face first” principle, helping you view the whole person through a lens of dignity. You should easily be able to describe a person’s face if you have been truly looking in their eyes and respecting their dignity.Looking at members of the opposite sex in their eyes instead of only at the rest of their bodies is the fastest way to both uphold their dignity and to convey trust. We are called to see the whole person rightly.

5. Be real

Next time you are talking to a member of the opposite sex, talk about the important things in life. Ask about their belief in God, thoughts about life and death, dreams and aspirations and most embarrassing moments. This isn’t just to gather information but to give you more insights into the soul beneath the skin – the child of God present in other person – who is created for far more than sex. Don’t talk about yourself “the way you want to be seen”. Talk about the real you, and try to find out with whom you are really hanging out.

We may complain that it is difficult to live a pure life, but the reality is that we have more control over our situations than we like to admit. By following these FIVE tips, it will be much easier to find happiness through chastity by expressing our sexuality the way God intended.

Dominus vobiscum et cum spiritu tuo!

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