Jagged cliffs on

1 03 2010

Lenten Season…

Life has been tangling for the past week (after CNY hols). Most of the time I just shut myself down. Sometimes sitting alone, I questioned myself : Who Am I? What happened to me?  I can’t seem to find my true self and that’s kinda upsetting.

One problem after another kept haunting me. I was seriously afraid of executing my task. Point is, I’ve become so fearful of approaching the people I should see. My courage level has gone down to zero. The question “What happened to me?”  kept prompting. But I was reminded in Psalms,

Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil for You are beside me,

Your rod and Your staff comfort me.

Before I went down to see Mr Tan this afternoon (Note: I was supposed to see him at 9am this morning) . I flipped the bible, and the wind brought me to Psalm 28.

To you O Lord, I call my rock. Be not deaf to me.

For if you heed me not,

I shall go down to the pit like the rest.

Hear my cry as I call to you for help,

as I lift up my hands toward your innermost sanctuary….

The Lord is my strength, my shield, my heart was sure of him.

I gained a little courage after that. Was it unfortunate or lucky? Godknows.  He was not in. I wrote him a report and bla bla…

Next, I went to TES office (Note: I was called to go on Saturday, but I missed it). There wasn’t a long line,but the students are taking too much time inside the admin office.  I waited for a good 10-15 minutes. I thought, if I continue waiting here, when it comes to my turn, I would prolly have overshot the time to ‘ta pao’ my food @ convi. So, I left the office. I plan to drop by early tomorrow when the office opens, so to avoid Q-ing, cuz Q-ing + waiting = nervous (can only do me more harm) and I’ll definitely go haywire when it comes to my turn to speak.

No doubt, I have to pick up my courage one by one which I’d casted off overnight. Again, I thought, I’m the only person that could help myself. The most other people can do is to advice and guide me but at the end of the day, its up to me to complete my task.

Trying to overcome was a good start. Courage, come and stay with me!




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